Is honesty always the best policy?

A Christian friend of mine said on Wednesday that sometimes it is ok to lie. That is completely wrong but let's investigate it to see what kinds of consequences lying has on a friendship. Many people say that there are two times when it is ok to lie: when it doesn't matter and when it really matters

When it doesn't matter -
Do you like this shirt? We've all heard the example. People say that in this situation there aren't any negative consequences if you lie. But that's not true. It always ends up hurting you and your friendship. If your friend finds out that you lied (say you talked about it to someone else later and word got around) then your friend wouldn't trust you. Even if they never learned about it, you still know it. Once you break that bond of trust, you will become suspicious that your friend has broken it too. It works for lying and it works for cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend. Psychologists call it 'projection' but 'guilt' and 'suspicion' work fine too. Also, practice makes perfect. If you lie once, you are much more likely to do it again. And again. And again. And again.

Plus, wouldn't your friend prefer that you told her the truth. Then one of three things would happen. Either she would get mad at you, get her feelings hurt, or she would be pleased with you. If she got mad at you, then she isn't a good friend. Do you really want to be friends with a person that blows up just because you have different opinions? That kind of friendship is better to break off sooner with dignity and honesty, rather than later with resentment and guilt. Same thing if she gets hurt. Is she so insecure that you have to have the same opinion on everything so trivial as articles of clothing? That is not a healthy friendship for either of you. If you lie to her, it will ultimately devastate her. You cannot keep lying to agree with everything she says. Its impossible to live that way. Eventually you will either have to tell her that you disagree with her, or you will become so frustrated that you'll explode and she will be crushed. If you have to disagree, then you might as well do it now and explain that it is ok to have differing opinions, rather than lie to her and have to own up to lying later. By being honest you maintain your dignity. By telling the truth you are doing what is best for both of you. Of course, you do not have to say, "You have no taste whatsoever and are ugly, too." You have to be gentle and honest (or as the Bible puts it, 'speak the truth in love.')
The third option is that you will tell the truth and she will respect you for it. My respect for my friend dropped drastically, because now I can't trust her opinion. If I ask her a question I will never know if she is telling the truth or not. That hurts our friendship. I want friends whose opinions I can trust. They are the ones who will say, "No, I think that looks bad and you will embarass yourself if you wear that." Them I can respect. If you tel the truth and hurt then your friend then at least she would know that you can be trusted and she will feel more free about asking really important questions.

When it really matters-
Is this the code to the nuke? First of all, you are never going to be in that situation. Second, it is not your job to determine the fate of the world. God says "Thou shalt not lie." There are no exceptions. If you do not lie and somehow the bomb does blow up, then the responsability lies on God because you were just doing what He said. Likewise, for small things, if your friend gets angry with you and you didn't lie, then the consequences are responsability lies with God. You were just doing what He said. Now, that does not mean that you always have to answer. If someone asked for the bomb's code, I wouldn't tell him it was right or wrong, regardless of which was ultimately true.

The final point about why it is never right to lie is because that is what God says. If you say anything different then you are saying that God is either wrong, or He's lying. Either way, you need to seriously straighten out your theology. Of course, this applies to any of God's commandments (like lusting, stealing, or dishonoring your parents). If God says its wrong and you say its ok then you are saying that you know better than God and are guilty of pride on top of everything else.

Do any of these sound familiar? It doesn't hurt the artists. CK is overpriced, I've already paid for enough food for a friend. No, I don't know what we're doing for your birthday. I don't think I'll be able to make it to Houston for your birthday. My boyfriend wouldn't like it if he saw you talking to me. What does it matter if I'm not 21 and drink?